gbm: Mixed Identity Discussion

10.31.07
HAPA DISCUSSION

6:10 meeting called to order.

Co-facilitators: Kyle and Ellen.

How does being half- or part- Asian affect how you define yourself? How does it help you construct your identity?

Phenotype imposes identity before you can define yourself.

-the SAT ethnicity section was one of the "big defining points" in identity for me
-i liked the "check as many as apply to you" on the college applications!

Do you often face these dilemmas (in terms of choosing which "one" or which "side") often? How do you deal with it?

-Growing up, I had an issue in defining my nationality, because I was born in America, but my family is very British. Everyone always thought that was weird. Before coming to Vassar, I got a job in London; while I was there, everyone there thought I was a crazy American person.
-everyone at home thought I was a "smart asian person," but here, where there are lots of other Asians, I'm known as the half-white one
-some people, just because they're all Asian, they think that's the founding basis for any friendship/relationship--but that isn't enough of a common ground for me.
-I think it's more of an undertone; no one would consciously in discriminating manner, but it's there

When people find out that there's something "different" about you, do they treat you differently?
Do people think that you do certain things because of your race?

-if you're good at math, people think it's because you're asian.
-i did karate for 12 years and they said that it was because I was part-asian

If your parents come from two different cultures, how did they make decisions about how to raise/educate you?

-I don't remember once facing any sort of discrimination in Japan. when i moved to America, it was really tough because I couldn't understand anything. Then I started learning English, and when I would go back to Japan over the summer to visit, the Japanese people I used to know would treat me differently--but i was also losing my Japanese, so that was probably part of it.

---language as integral part of identity and "fitting in"

-I act differently in different spheres.

-a lot of the times the white parent is credited with bringing the asian parent to the US, or for "saving" them, as if the white parent is superior

-you grow up thinking it's always confusing and it always doesn't make sense; until middle school i didn't even realize what everyone else was doing.

Do the different sides of your family treat you differently? my mom wants me to marry a chinese girl to "keep the blood pure" and so that she can talk to her.

-dating choices are often monitored by parents or other people within the community

-i found the American culture much more accepting of me being mixed; in the Bahamas, the Chinese community is pretty isolated and small.

-the "what are you" question bothers me so much.
-when i went to china, both times people would come up to ask to take pictures of me because i had curly hair and an asian face; i didn't understand, and i was frustrated; it would bother me when i got singled out, but not now
-it's hard to get angry about it at this point
-i don't look very japanese, and i don't speak it, so people don't think that i'm "really" japanese
-when i go to synagog, little kids would ask why i'm there; now it doesn't bother me, it's just funny

-some people say racist things to you because they assume you're not that race, so you won't be offended
-people are uncomfortable talking about race to us because we are "middle ground"

-there's times when i want to be more white, and times when i want to be more Asian; if someone makes a racist Asian joke, I tend to claim an Asian identity more to defend myself, and it feels more like they are making fun of ME
-sometimes even though i want to fit in, i take a firm "Asian" stance
-people tell me to just pick an identity
-there are so many gradients; traditional vs whitewashed, not "asian enough"

Do you ever actively seek out other mixed people?

-i went to a very white high school. i was always the only anything-but-white among my friends. when i came to vassar, i realized that all of my friends are hapas; i never noticed it until now. i was never given the option before; maybe it's a little comforting now, i appreciate it.

-language was always "proof" for people to think that i wasn't asian

-maybe having a dual-race identity gives you more perspective

-the "where are you from" isn't just you--it's everything behind you, too. "no, where are you REALLY from?"

-a lot of my friends go back "home" to japan, or korea for example--for me, LA is home. even people who are born here regard other countries as "home."

-geographic home is no longer the same home where your parents/family are from. hong kong is really different now than it was 40 years ago; does it make it less like home?

Do you ever get a sense of displacement when you travel abroad/go home due to different gender constructions? (save for different meeting)

For those of you who are mixed, do you sometimes wish you were only one?
-you're just born this way and you hear stories about "full" people, and those sound interesting and sometimes i want to be a part of it, but i like the way i grew up too--you can't really exchange it. everyone has difficulties; this was just one of mine.
-90% of the time i just think it's awesome; there is that 10%, when it gets in your face, when it stings; but you get over it. high school was pretty bad.