GBM: Inter/Intra-Racial Dating

7:03 PM meeting called to order.

Thank you to everyone to came to the Lunar New Year Dinner! It was a great success!

Announcements:
Joana: 1) Asian Writer’s Workshop! 2) Young Woman’s Leadership program in New York is looking for young women (undergrads) to hire – teaching activism issues, free housing in NY.
Jason: Mid-Hudson Chinese Association invited us to their Lunar New Year celebration on February 16—let us know if you want to go!

Inter/Intra-racial Dating Discussion

How much of an influence does your family have on who you date?
- distinction between interracial (among other races) and intraracial (among other Asians)
- my family is very open to interracial and intraracial dating—they are really accepting, as long as the person I’m dating is nice; the other person’s family was sometimes not happy about me
- I’m not sure where my family stands because they give me lots of mixed messages; my mom wants to be able to speak to whomever I’m dating, and she’s made some racist comments
- This deals very much with power politics within America—it goes way beyond this situation

*issues of exotification play a very important part . . .

Your idea of cultural values and not losing that—by marrying someone else who has a different culture, we worry that our culture will be erased/lost, or that our children will be raised differently

Language spheres—if you and your partner speak different languages, teaching your children a language your partner doesn’t know might break up/change family dynamics

Do your parents prefer you to marry outside your race?
How much do you listen to your parents?
- it’s very situational
- if you really love someone, do you care what your parents think? It’s your life, and you can’t let your parents control it
- at the same time, can you really isolate yourself from your family? That’s really tough.

How big of a factor is race/ethnicity in your dating choices?
- We feel more comfortable with people with whom we share cultural aspects
- can’t you teach your significant other your culture? If you really like them you’ll make the effort – do we neglect to do this out of laziness?
- Stereotype of Asian exoticism gets in the way—is he fetishizing me? Always white men with women of color
- A lot of Asian guys don’t have a lot of confidence . . . Why do people perpetuate these stereotypes?
- I think there’s a difference between what you witness personally and what you’re exposed to; I don’t think Asian guys are any less outgoing, but that’s how they’re represented as, so that’s the image that gets perpetuated
- We’re talking about Asian representation in AMERICA—it would be much different in ASIA

To straight Asian men: What do you guys think of when you see Asian girls with non-Asian men?
- I really don’t care; I don’t see a big problem
- I don’t really care, but sometimes I wonder at the disparity; there’s so many Asian girls dating outside the race, and so few Asian men dating outside the race . . . it’s an inequality but it’s a one-way thing

They’re saying that the Asian male is now the new white-girl accessory: he’s patient, he can be your shopping partner, he’s subservient, etc . . .

Do you want to date outside your culture? Is it “branching out”?
- For me, it’s who I’m attracted to. It’s not about race.
- Do Asian girls want to explore outside of their “culture” more than Asian guys?

Does race make you want to go for someone more or less?

Is it something that comes to your mind right away, before you even have a chance to start liking them? Or is it something that comes after you get to know them, right before you ask them out? At what point do you consider race? –That’s a personal issue.

In an ideal world, your friends/family shouldn’t decide whom you date, but they really do. When I’m with a bunch of Asian friends, I’m worried about my white date—is he going to be awkward? It’s not the heaviest influence, but I even judge my friends. I don’t just worry about myself.

“Why do you think Asian guys are so cute?” I don’t see them on TV, I don’t see them on billboards . . . it’s the media you’re exposed to.

Do you or people you know try to only date Asians, try to avoid dating Asians . . . ?
- your friends do play a huge factor, like they have to “sign off” on the girl or the guy; if they don’t approve, there’s no way it’s going to happen
- on an individual basis, you can convince people—but when you’re in a huge group setting, people think like a group
- all throughout high school the only guys that would ask me out would be Asian, and that started to bother me—I’d say no every time, because I was tired of only being attractive/attracted to Asian men. “you only like me because I’m Asian” – you feel like you’re only attracted to other Asian cultures. And I thought that other people were avoiding me because I was Chinese.
- Distinction between girls/guys’ approaches . . guy always has to ask first?

“Am I being close-minded?” “Am I being oppressed?” If there weren’t so many stereotypes, things would be easier. What we can take away from this is to just be more understanding/less critical of people. So many comments here, on campus, as if nothing is good enough to satisfy anyone. Try to be more sensitive.

7:55 PM meeting adjourned.